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Joke topic!

Post by ApplesApplesApples on Fri Feb 24, 2012 5:36 am

post JOKES here.
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Re: Joke topic!

Post by cBm on Wed Apr 11, 2012 9:50 pm

Time to put this topic to good use....

These jokes are not ones i made up myself, but either heard from someone else, or read from a joke book, or something similar. Tell me which one you think is the funniest.

Joke 1: A little boy was being very bad that day, and was locked in his room for a punishment.
Well, he was feeling very mischievous, so he tried his best to pick the lock. After several minutes, he succeeded. He burst out of his room, shouting, "I'm free, I'm free!". His sister was sitting in the hall playing at the time, and she turned to him and said, "Oh thats nothing, I'm four."

Joke 2: A ship had crashed on a dessert island, and the survivors had been stranded for days, and they were out of food and water, survival looking slim. One young man got on his knees, looked up at the sky and said, "God, i know i have not been the most faithful guy in the world. Done my fair share of bad things in my life. But I promise, if you get me and my friends off this island, that i will never again-" Right at that moment, a fellow survivor ran up and shouted, "Hold on man, don't commit to anything yet, we see a rescue ship!"

Joke 3: A young man was going sky diving for the first time, and he was very nervous. He was starting to have second thoughts, and was worried about what would happen if the parachute did not work right. He turned to the flight instructor and said, "Hey, what happens if the parachute malfunctions?"
The instructor replied, "Oh don't worry, if it does not work, just take it to the front office after you jump, you can get a new one."

More later, tell me what you thought of these 3.

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The lemur.... It's earthbending!


In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.

"Ten percent of nuthin' is...let me do the math here...nuthin' into nuthin'...carry the nuthin'..."



Hammond: "Colonel, the United States is not in the business of interfering in other people's affairs!"
Jack: "...Since when?"
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Re: Joke topic!

Post by ApplesApplesApples on Thu Apr 12, 2012 5:13 am

1 is the best, but all are a bit cheesy. how bout this:

there is a school near a remote area, with few roads or cars. 4 kids are late for school. the 1st one arrives. teacher: "why are you late?" "my horse died.."
the 2nd arrives. "and why are YOU late?" "well, my horse was dead, all of a sudden." the 3rd kid comes. "sorry, im late, my horse-" teacher: "died, i know." the 4th kid comes. teacher: "youre proably late cause you horse died, right?" kid: no, my dad took me school by car but we had to drive a different path because there were so many dead horses on the road.
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Re: Joke topic!

Post by cBm on Thu Apr 12, 2012 9:59 pm

Ya, they are supposed to be sorta cheesy... Razz And yours is alright. Razz Here is one of my personal favorites:

Two guys were sitting up on top of a tall building, just hanging out. One guy said to the other, "Hey man, did you know if you jump between these two buildings right here, you can sorta fly for a minute, and glide right back on to the building?" The other guy said, "Nah man, you seriously expect me to believe something like that?" The first man said, "No, seriously man, its true, watch!" and he jumped off the building, and sure enough, came right back to the top. the other guy was shocked. "Dude, how did you do that!?!?!? Do it again!" So, the first guy did it, and same as before, came right back up to the top. The second man was excited. "Oh man, i gotta try that." So he jumped off the building.... SPLAT!!!

Another man was looking up at the situation, and said "Dang, Superman sure is mean!" Razz

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The lemur.... It's earthbending!


In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.

"Ten percent of nuthin' is...let me do the math here...nuthin' into nuthin'...carry the nuthin'..."



Hammond: "Colonel, the United States is not in the business of interfering in other people's affairs!"
Jack: "...Since when?"
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Re: Joke topic!

Post by The Not-so-Evil Overlord on Fri Apr 13, 2012 2:18 pm

I've heard a similar joke. Now, time to inform you guys a LOT about my sense of humor, with this joke...

Once upon a time, there were three kingdoms. These three kingdoms were around a lake. In the middle of the lake, was an island. Now, these three kingdoms were constantly fighting over who got the island. Finally, after the kingdoms had been worn down by war over this island, they came to an agreement. They would settle this conflict once and for all. To do this, they would each send some knights and squires, and they'd just fight it out. Winner would get the island.

The first kingdom, sent thirty knights and their squires. The second kingdom, sent twenty knights, and their squires. Then, the third kingdom, sent one knight, and his squire.

Now, after they had arrived at the island the knights decided that they REALLY didn't want to fight it out. So, they agreed to have their squires fight it out. The time was sent for early morning the next day. So, that night the squires made dinner for themselves, and for their knights.

The squire of the lone knight, had a most peculiar method of cooking. He tied a noose around the pot of stew he was making, and hung it high over the fire. Because of this odd method of cooking, it took him a long time to make dinner. But eventually he had finished cooking it, and he and his knight ate dinner, and went to bed.

The next morning, the squires fought it out. And you'd never believe it... But the lone squire won the fight. Thereby proving, that the squire of the high-pot-in-noose is equal to sum the squires of the other two sides.
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Re: Joke topic!

Post by ApplesApplesApples on Fri Apr 13, 2012 9:06 pm

sorry, i dont get it.
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Re: Joke topic!

Post by cBm on Fri Apr 13, 2012 11:05 pm

I think i get it, although dont find it that funny.

Three men were captured by the enemy, and were sentenced to be killed by firing squad later that day. Well, the enemy was known for not being that bright, so they came up with a plan to escape. The next day, it was time for them to die. They bought the first prisoner up before the firing squad, and right before they fired, he shouted, "Earthquake!!!" The enemy panicked, and during the commotion, he escaped. After order was restored, they brought out the second prisoner. This time, right before they were about to kill him, he shouted, "Tornado!!!" Everyone panicked again, and in the chaos, he escaped. They then brought out the third prisoner, ready to kill him. Right before they were about to kill him, he shouted, "Fire!!!".

_________________


The lemur.... It's earthbending!


In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.

"Ten percent of nuthin' is...let me do the math here...nuthin' into nuthin'...carry the nuthin'..."



Hammond: "Colonel, the United States is not in the business of interfering in other people's affairs!"
Jack: "...Since when?"
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Re: Joke topic!

Post by RAW Watchguard on Sat Apr 14, 2012 6:13 am

Oh dat slaps me on the knee! Razz

I will post a joke once I find one. Razz

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Re: Joke topic!

Post by The Not-so-Evil Overlord on Sat Apr 14, 2012 10:03 am

Okay. For those who didn't get my awesome joke... (And again. It likely told you a LOT about my sense of humor.)

The Pythagorean Theorem states that in any right triangle, the square of the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares of the other two sides.

That should give you enough information to figure out the joke.
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Re: Joke topic!

Post by Leafz on Sat Apr 14, 2012 6:30 pm

I got JJS' joke without looking it up (Yeah, I'm just awesome like that Razz)

"A bicycle can't stand on it's own...
It is two tired."

"What rank does lemon come in your citrus fruit scale?
Personally I think it is sublime"

"In all my years of fishing, I've never caught a marine mammal...
My life is without porpoise"
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Re: Joke topic!

Post by The Not-so-Evil Overlord on Sat Apr 14, 2012 7:52 pm

Heh. Very nice Finck. VERY nice. I'll need to remember those.
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Re: Joke topic!

Post by cBm on Sat Apr 14, 2012 10:19 pm

Nice FInk.

A man was at a pet auction, and had to bid incredibly high for a cute, green parrot. They went up to the auctioneer, and the man said, "For all this money, i sure hope this parrot talks."
"Well of course, he has been talking all night." Said the auctioneer.
"Really? I did not hear any bird noises.." Said the man.
"Well who do you think was bidding against you?" Squawked the parrot.


Last edited by captainBrickmaster on Sat Apr 14, 2012 10:57 pm; edited 1 time in total

_________________


The lemur.... It's earthbending!


In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.

"Ten percent of nuthin' is...let me do the math here...nuthin' into nuthin'...carry the nuthin'..."



Hammond: "Colonel, the United States is not in the business of interfering in other people's affairs!"
Jack: "...Since when?"
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Re: Joke topic!

Post by ApplesApplesApples on Tue Apr 17, 2012 8:10 am

i dont get it...
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Re: Joke topic!

Post by The Not-so-Evil Overlord on Tue Apr 17, 2012 12:38 pm

The parrot was bidding to buy ITSELF. Get it now?
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Re: Joke topic!

Post by ApplesApplesApples on Tue Apr 17, 2012 7:07 pm

oh, yeah, zats wierd. Razz
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Re: Joke topic!

Post by cBm on Tue Apr 17, 2012 9:27 pm

..Not really, it makes sense, he would not want to be owned by someone else, so he tried to buy his own freedom.

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The lemur.... It's earthbending!


In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.

"Ten percent of nuthin' is...let me do the math here...nuthin' into nuthin'...carry the nuthin'..."



Hammond: "Colonel, the United States is not in the business of interfering in other people's affairs!"
Jack: "...Since when?"
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Re: Joke topic!

Post by ApplesApplesApples on Wed Apr 18, 2012 4:39 am

which is funny. Razz
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Re: Joke topic!

Post by The Not-so-Evil Overlord on Wed Apr 18, 2012 11:59 am

Yeah. That was rather the point. Razz
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Re: Joke topic!

Post by ApplesApplesApples on Wed Apr 18, 2012 7:19 pm

well, DUH. but cBm just didnt get it... Razz
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Re: Joke topic!

Post by cBm on Wed Apr 18, 2012 9:31 pm

Um... What? I TOLD the joke, how could i not get it? Razz You make no sense donald. Razz

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The lemur.... It's earthbending!


In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.

"Ten percent of nuthin' is...let me do the math here...nuthin' into nuthin'...carry the nuthin'..."



Hammond: "Colonel, the United States is not in the business of interfering in other people's affairs!"
Jack: "...Since when?"
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cBm
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Re: Joke topic!

Post by ApplesApplesApples on Thu Apr 19, 2012 5:08 am

well you got it but you did not think it was funny. Razz
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Re: Joke topic!

Post by RAW Watchguard on Thu Apr 19, 2012 6:35 am

@Donald:

Anyways, here's a joke I found. Razz

Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.


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Re: Joke topic!

Post by ApplesApplesApples on Thu Apr 19, 2012 6:36 am

oooook. its um,,, okkkk Razz
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Re: Joke topic!

Post by RAW Watchguard on Thu Apr 19, 2012 6:40 am

Thanks. I found it in a YouTube comment. Razz

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Re: Joke topic!

Post by ApplesApplesApples on Thu Apr 19, 2012 8:04 am

*facepalm* WAIT! *epic facepalm*
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