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Joke topic!

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Re: Joke topic!

Post by RAW Watchguard on Thu Apr 19, 2012 9:13 am

DOMINATED! Ah ha ha ha! Razz

Ohey, here's another one. Razz

Knock knock.

(BTW, that pony has so beautiful eyes I'm gonna kill myself.)

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Re: Joke topic!

Post by ApplesApplesApples on Thu Apr 19, 2012 8:03 pm

oh please, whos there?
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Re: Joke topic!

Post by cBm on Thu Apr 19, 2012 10:08 pm

@Donald: *FACEPALM* OF COURSE I THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY!! I TOLD THE JOKE!!! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?!?!?! Razz

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The lemur.... It's earthbending!


In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.

"Ten percent of nuthin' is...let me do the math here...nuthin' into nuthin'...carry the nuthin'..."



Hammond: "Colonel, the United States is not in the business of interfering in other people's affairs!"
Jack: "...Since when?"
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Re: Joke topic!

Post by The Not-so-Evil Overlord on Thu Apr 19, 2012 10:29 pm

cBm, I think the joke's now on YOU. Razz
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Re: Joke topic!

Post by RAW Watchguard on Fri Apr 20, 2012 6:21 am

Ok, continuing my joke:

Doctor. Razz

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Re: Joke topic!

Post by ApplesApplesApples on Fri Apr 20, 2012 7:08 am

doctor me? Razz
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Re: Joke topic!

Post by RAW Watchguard on Fri Apr 20, 2012 7:10 am

No, Doctor Who. Razz

Ok, that was the punch line. Razz

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Re: Joke topic!

Post by Leafz on Fri Apr 20, 2012 7:38 am

"I thought about telling a Pizza joke, but it would be too cheesy"

"I thought about telling a cereal crop joke, but it would be too corny"

"I thought about telling a LMB RPG joke, but it would be too un-realistic"

Those were the worse jokes I've ever told Razz
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Re: Joke topic!

Post by ApplesApplesApples on Fri Apr 20, 2012 8:53 am

yes, they are a bit *facepalm*y. Razz
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Re: Joke topic!

Post by The Not-so-Evil Overlord on Fri Apr 20, 2012 12:50 pm

@Finck: Those were both awesome, and terrible. I approve. Keep it up! Razz
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Re: Joke topic!

Post by ApplesApplesApples on Fri Apr 20, 2012 7:12 pm

i really dont like knock-knock jokes... or question jokes. a bit corny...
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Re: Joke topic!

Post by j1a1x1 on Fri May 18, 2012 12:41 am

well this guy walks up to this other guy and he says "stop me if you have heard this one..."
"stop!" the other guy says
"but i have yet to even start"the first guy replies confused
"i know, i just told you the pouch line"
"what are you talking about"
"me?! what are YOU talking about?"
"a JOKE!!!"
"a joke?"
"YEAH, BEFORE YOU SO RUDELY INTERRUPTED!"
"WELL NO NEED TO YELL! I JUST DID WHAT YOU TOLD ME TO!"
"YEAH?"
"YEAH"
both man stand there glaring at each other...then the...?
"wait a MINUTE! WHICH GUY AM I?"
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?"
"i couldn't keep up with the "marks...am i the 'first guy' or the 'other guy'?"
"dude....this is an aweful joke"

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Re: Joke topic!

Post by cBm on Thu Jul 26, 2012 8:41 am

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.

After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulled out the tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat's music.

While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale." The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front. "No," he insists, "he's not for sale." The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.

"Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!" "Don't worry about it." the man answered. "The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."

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The lemur.... It's earthbending!


In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.

"Ten percent of nuthin' is...let me do the math here...nuthin' into nuthin'...carry the nuthin'..."



Hammond: "Colonel, the United States is not in the business of interfering in other people's affairs!"
Jack: "...Since when?"
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Re: Joke topic!

Post by RAW Watchguard on Thu Jul 26, 2012 9:22 am

Oh ho ho! Oh that slaps me on the knee! Razz

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Re: Joke topic!

Post by The Man on Thu Jul 26, 2012 12:45 pm

Good one cB! Razz
I should tell my bear joke, but I am too lazy to type it all out on my phone. Razz
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Re: Joke topic!

Post by A Walrus on Thu Jul 26, 2012 12:59 pm

Flam wrote:"I thought about telling a Pizza joke, but it would be too cheesy"

"I thought about telling a cereal crop joke, but it would be too corny"

"I thought about telling a LMB RPG joke, but it would be too un-realistic"

Those were the worse jokes I've ever told Razz

#3 one made me laugh so hard. Razz
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Re: Joke topic!

Post by cBm on Thu Jul 26, 2012 2:15 pm

Im going to go ahead and take a risk, and tell a Religion joke. Razz


Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"

So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell -- but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."

"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.

The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.

"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."

Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

The third man came to the front of the line, and again Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.

"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding inside a refrigerator..."

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The lemur.... It's earthbending!


In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.

"Ten percent of nuthin' is...let me do the math here...nuthin' into nuthin'...carry the nuthin'..."



Hammond: "Colonel, the United States is not in the business of interfering in other people's affairs!"
Jack: "...Since when?"
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Re: Joke topic!

Post by criticalhit on Thu Jul 26, 2012 3:20 pm

Are blonde jokes okay? As someone who used to be very blonde (as I grew older my hair turned brown), I find them hilarious.

What do you call a blonde who dyed her hair brown? Artificial intelligence.

How do you drown a blonde? Tell her there is a scratch-n-sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.

How do you confuse a blonde? Put her in a circular room and tell her there's a diamond in one of the corners.
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Re: Joke topic!

Post by The Man on Thu Jul 26, 2012 3:50 pm

I'm a Catholic, I have no problem with religion jokes cB.
I love blonde jokes, but have not had a good response whenever I have alluded to telling one. I have nothing against blondes mind you! cB, are you all right with the jokes? Cause you're blonde, right? (Although the jokes are about women.)
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Re: Joke topic!

Post by cBm on Thu Jul 26, 2012 4:10 pm

Ya, blonde jokes are perfectly fine.

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The lemur.... It's earthbending!


In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.

"Ten percent of nuthin' is...let me do the math here...nuthin' into nuthin'...carry the nuthin'..."



Hammond: "Colonel, the United States is not in the business of interfering in other people's affairs!"
Jack: "...Since when?"
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Re: Joke topic!

Post by The Man on Thu Jul 26, 2012 7:51 pm

Yay!

A blonde walks into a library and stops at the front desk.
"I'd like a cheeseburger, a side of fries, and a diet coke," she says loudly.
"This is a library," the librarian whispers.
"Oh I'm sorry," the blonde whispers back softly. "I'd like a cheeseburger, a side of fries, and a diet coke."
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Re: Joke topic!

Post by cBm on Fri Jul 27, 2012 11:39 am

A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store. The man walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head.

The store manager, who has seen all this, thinks this is quite strange. So, he decides to find out what's going on. The store manager approaches the blind man swinging the dog and says, "Pardon me. May I help you with something."

The blind man says, "No thanks. I'm just looking around."

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The lemur.... It's earthbending!


In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.

"Ten percent of nuthin' is...let me do the math here...nuthin' into nuthin'...carry the nuthin'..."



Hammond: "Colonel, the United States is not in the business of interfering in other people's affairs!"
Jack: "...Since when?"
avatar
cBm
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Re: Joke topic!

Post by ApplesApplesApples on Sun Aug 05, 2012 2:10 am

Newspaper headline: Two hunters meet: Both dead. Razz
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Re: Joke topic!

Post by wedl on Sun Aug 05, 2012 1:36 pm

ApplesApplesApples wrote:Newspaper headline: Two hunters meet: Both dead. Razz

Makes me think of Left 4 Dead. Razz
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Re: Joke topic!

Post by RAW Watchguard on Sun Aug 05, 2012 2:02 pm

I was thinking the same. Razz

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