Joke topic!

DOMINATED! Ah ha ha ha!

Ohey, here's another one.

Knock knock.

(BTW, that pony has so beautiful eyes I'm gonna kill myself.)

oh please, whos there?

@Donald: *FACEPALM* OF COURSE I THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY!! I TOLD THE JOKE!!! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?!?!?!

cBm, I think the joke's now on YOU.

Ok, continuing my joke:

Doctor.

doctor me?

No, Doctor Who.

Ok, that was the punch line.

"I thought about telling a Pizza joke, but it would be too cheesy"

"I thought about telling a cereal crop joke, but it would be too corny"

"I thought about telling a LMB RPG joke, but it would be too un-realistic"

Those were the worse jokes I've ever told

yes, they are a bit *facepalm*y.

@Finck: Those were both awesome, and terrible. I approve. Keep it up!

i really dont like knock-knock jokes... or question jokes. a bit corny...

well this guy walks up to this other guy and he says "stop me if you have heard this one..."
"stop!" the other guy says
"but i have yet to even start"the first guy replies confused
"i know, i just told you the pouch line"
"what are you talking about"
"me?! what are YOU talking about?"
"a JOKE!!!"
"a joke?"
"YEAH, BEFORE YOU SO RUDELY INTERRUPTED!"
"WELL NO NEED TO YELL! I JUST DID WHAT YOU TOLD ME TO!"
"YEAH?"
"YEAH"
both man stand there glaring at each other...then the...?
"wait a MINUTE! WHICH GUY AM I?"
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?"
"i couldn't keep up with the "marks...am i the 'first guy' or the 'other guy'?"
"dude....this is an aweful joke"

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.

After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulled out the tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat's music.

While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale." The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front. "No," he insists, "he's not for sale." The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.

"Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!" "Don't worry about it." the man answered. "The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."

Oh ho ho! Oh that slaps me on the knee!

Good one cB!
I should tell my bear joke, but I am too lazy to type it all out on my phone.

Flam wrote:"I thought about telling a Pizza joke, but it would be too cheesy"

"I thought about telling a cereal crop joke, but it would be too corny"

"I thought about telling a LMB RPG joke, but it would be too un-realistic"

Those were the worse jokes I've ever told

#3 one made me laugh so hard.

Im going to go ahead and take a risk, and tell a Religion joke.


Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"

So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell -- but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."

"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.

The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.

"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."

Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

The third man came to the front of the line, and again Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.

"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding inside a refrigerator..."

Are blonde jokes okay? As someone who used to be very blonde (as I grew older my hair turned brown), I find them hilarious.

What do you call a blonde who dyed her hair brown? Artificial intelligence.

How do you drown a blonde? Tell her there is a scratch-n-sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.

How do you confuse a blonde? Put her in a circular room and tell her there's a diamond in one of the corners.

I'm a Catholic, I have no problem with religion jokes cB.
I love blonde jokes, but have not had a good response whenever I have alluded to telling one. I have nothing against blondes mind you! cB, are you all right with the jokes? Cause you're blonde, right? (Although the jokes are about women.)

Ya, blonde jokes are perfectly fine.

Yay!

A blonde walks into a library and stops at the front desk.
"I'd like a cheeseburger, a side of fries, and a diet coke," she says loudly.
"This is a library," the librarian whispers.
"Oh I'm sorry," the blonde whispers back softly. "I'd like a cheeseburger, a side of fries, and a diet coke."

A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store. The man walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head.

The store manager, who has seen all this, thinks this is quite strange. So, he decides to find out what's going on. The store manager approaches the blind man swinging the dog and says, "Pardon me. May I help you with something."

The blind man says, "No thanks. I'm just looking around."

Newspaper headline: Two hunters meet: Both dead.

ApplesApplesApples wrote:Newspaper headline: Two hunters meet: Both dead.

Makes me think of Left 4 Dead.

I was thinking the same.