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Not Your Average Clone

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Not Your Average Clone

Post by Zyph on Mon Jun 17, 2013 11:46 am

"Captain Wits is not  your average clone leader... Wits is very.... Unique." ARC Commander Colt said to ARC Commander Slash as they walked to the landing bay platform. It was in the middle of a wide open field  then surrendered by tall heavily leaved trees.

"Well, I guess I'll find out soon enough eh?" Asked Slash sidelong glancing at Colt. Colt only smiled slyly.

They reached the platform just as the Captain's Ship landed. The only waited a matter of moments before Galactic Marian Captain Wits stepped coolly from the ship. Slash noted the difference in  armor appearance then the other troops that came behind the Captain.  Wits walked an air of command and honor that Slash had never seen before in any leader.  As Wits came closer, it became obvious, Wits was as Colt said, not like any other clone. As Wits removed the dusty helmet, Slash was taken aback that Wits was indeed a woman.  Her hair was jet black and her eyes so brown they were nearly black, but a bright flame burned within her.  a scar under each check bone was brandished bravely, they each ran from just under and before he cheek bone to just past it. She came to a halt a yard from them and saluted. Her voice was strong and victorious  sounding, "Captain Wits reporting as needed Sirs!"

Slash was quite speechless. Colt Smiled and stepped in. "Wits! Good to see you again! This is Commander Slash, you'll be working for him, being I must now take my leave."

"Well, thank you Colt, it is good to see you again, good luck elsewhere." She nodded to him.

Slash regained himself and nodded to Colt as he walked away and waved. Slash then turned to Wits.

"Good to meet you! Colt tells me you are the best hand to hand combat fighter in the army! "

"Colt can exaggerate..." Wits laughed a high and lighthearted laugh. To Slash, she seemed so free at heart.  So free, yet she showed signs of battle and victory. 



So, this is what I have so far. Ideas, comments, constructive Critiszem are all welcome! I just started writing this today, but I've had these cahrators for awhile.. Note, Commander Colt is not from TCW, its kinda a odd story, but anyway... Yeah here it is!
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Re: Not Your Average Clone

Post by j1a1x1 on Tue Jun 18, 2013 9:18 pm

fairly good start to your story:) but you need to tell your readers where the story takes place, why the people are doing what they are doing and why they are where they are etc....
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Re: Not Your Average Clone

Post by Roddy15 on Wed Jun 19, 2013 10:03 am

Why does she need to do all that in the intro? Answering the why part in stories in my experience is best explored throughout a story rather than just saying "Oh we are on a mission to Kerbin to defeat a Sith Lord", that doesn't work. Razz

Ambiguity is nice in an intro because it makes the reader want to read to find out why, where and how. 

When writing short stories I've never actually stated why the protagonists are there because I find it better as a read when you don't know that on page 1. I've only once described in detail the setting because it was set in an area which needed to be stated before getting into the plot, the rest of the time I would just say "On an helicopter to Paris" and I'll describe Paris in detail later.

So yeah I don't think you need to spill the plot of why and where just yet.
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Re: Not Your Average Clone

Post by Zyph on Wed Jun 19, 2013 11:30 am

Ja1x1: THank you! Yes, I did leave alot out, but I was just kinda writing it out with not much in mind.... Razz 
Roddy: Gotta point. Thanks! At the same time though, I could have added more.

THank you both! I Am Very Happy! I guess I need to add some more, but not to much... Thanks again! I Am Very Happy! I Am Very Happy! I Am Very Happy! I Am Very Happy!
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Re: Not Your Average Clone

Post by j1a1x1 on Wed Jun 19, 2013 12:56 pm

i didn't mean that she had to tell the entire thing in one post Razz but the beginning of every story needs to tell the reader what to envision in there mind as to what they are seeing[reading] 

not that i'm the best writer in the world Razz but i have read quite a bit in my ooooolllllllldddddd age Rolling Eyestongue
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Re: Not Your Average Clone

Post by Zyph on Mon Jul 01, 2013 8:15 pm

Here is some more!
"Uhh Commander?" Wits's voice reached into the depths of Slash's mind pulling him back to the present. "Oh yes, sorry, a bit preoccupied..." Slash turned away and walked back to the command tent, Wits on his heels gave him a sidelong glance.
The two made it to the Command Tent. Slash pulls up a holo map of the area.
"Wits, we have received word that an attack will be coming on from the east soon. One reason I brought you on for this is you battle plans and I need Galactic Marines. " Slash looks up and points to the north paths, "The trees here are the thinnest but its more rocky than anywhere else, we need to use this to our advantage... Any ideas?"
Wits crosses her arms and walks around the Holo. Pointing to the rockiest area of terrain she replies,
"You got Heavy Troopers right? Well, have them place explosives here on the rocks, ones that will either blow up on contact or control. Either will do. Then, see these high ridges here? put snipers along them and then more Heave Troopers with rocket launchers for the anything to large for the bombs. Then, if you can, get your ARCs or my Marines on their backs and the other on the front, box them in so-to-speak. "
Slash nods. "But what about reinforcements for them?" Wits looks up and then back again.
"Perhaps then leave the back open, post scouts all around and keep them in contact."
"Yes. I think that will work." Slash closes down the holo and walks passed Wits. He sits on a chair and rests his helmeted head on his hands. "Wits.... Do you think we stand a chance against such as this? I've never fought against so many without a Jedi..."
Wits walks over putting a hand on his shoulder, "Slash. I've fought a lot of battles like yourself, faced imposable odds. Do I think we can win this? Yes. Do I think there is the possibility to lose? Yes. You never know how the outcome is going to be, just give it your all, fight like h-" Slash cuts her off, "I know that Wits! It's the troops, do you know how many men I have lost? How many I have had to replace? I know the losses! I know that not all my men are as experienced as the others! There are few of us left that are of the original Battalion!" Wits looks hardly at him. "I know that Slash! I've heard about your battles..." Wits walks to the other side of the Tent, unsure how to help this distressed man. He stuck her as odd. She had never seen anyone like this. A new thought came crawling through her jumbled thoughts. Is he really a clone at all? He sure doesn't act like one, even for a very individualized clone. What is he?
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Re: Not Your Average Clone

Post by Zyph on Thu Jul 11, 2013 2:19 pm

Here is the next part!


Turning back to him, Wits started Slash with her question: "You aren't a clone are you?" Slash pulled his head up abruptly, "Why do you ask?" Said Slash hesitantly.
"Oh, maybe cause you so much different then any person I've met, clones included. Who- What are you?"
Slash stood and looked the Tent opening. "Very few people know this about Homer and myself... Therefore, what I am about to tell you, you must not speak a word to anyone about."
Removing his helmet, Wits was taken aback, his face in shape resembled that of a clone, but on it was blood red markings. On each side of his face, three flaming red markings attached, and it was the same on the other side, on his forehead down his nose was also red, two carved tooth markings came up from under his chin. On his neck were the same markings on the side of his face. Slash's hair was black as the night and his eyes brown with a fire lit within him.
"Your! Your an Amyalian!" Wits hissed at him in astonished. Suddenly in one swift movement, Slash whipped out a light saber and ignited it. The Green blade rose up from his hilt above Slashes head. Wits stumbled backward. "You're- A Jedi!?" She asked at just above a whisper. "Yes. Homer and I both. We're brothers." Slash sat down roughly as he recalled the events that brought him into the Clone Army.
"Homer and I were on Illume when it happened, went there with our masters to forge our Light Sabers, well... While we were each in a different cave, our masters were attacked by many Pirates. Saldy Homer and I were both caught and out finished sabers taken from us and given to their leader. Our masters were forced back, not knowing what befell their padawans. So. While awaiting our fate, we had the fortune to find our sabers had dropped from the Leader. Call it luck, call it destiny. We had them. We both fought our way to the escape pods. Getting in one, ejecting and finding ourselves beyond the outer rim, we landed on the water world and your home, Komiano. The Kaminoians took us in. After all, we knew not where we were, so. we didn't have much choice. We trained with Z18, became good freinds with some of the commanders and captains of Z18, trained and grew with up with them. Hence now we're here." Slash had been staring into the distance. His eyes refocused and he bowed his head looking as his turned off saber.
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Re: Not Your Average Clone

Post by Harold on Tue Jul 30, 2013 1:19 pm

No rush, but when will you post the next chapter? Awkward Smile
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Re: Not Your Average Clone

Post by Zyph on Wed Jul 31, 2013 10:29 pm

Once I get passed a bit of a writers block and have some time to just sit down and write Wink
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Re: Not Your Average Clone

Post by Frushy on Thu Aug 01, 2013 1:54 am

So far it's looking good.
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Re: Not Your Average Clone

Post by Zyph on Tue Nov 19, 2013 11:51 pm

Thanks Flushy!
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Re: Not Your Average Clone

Post by Zyph on Wed Nov 20, 2013 5:15 pm

Here is the edited version of what I had, looing back threw it I found tons of stuff to fix, so here it is! Razz

"Captain Wits is not your average clone officer... Wits is very.... Unique." ARC Commander Colton said to ARC Commander Slash as they walked to the landing bay platform. It was in the middle of a wide open field then surrendered by tall heavily leaved trees.
"Well, I guess I'll find out soon enough eh?" Asked Slash giving a sidelong glance at Colton. He only smiled slyly.
They reached the platform just as the Captain's ship landed. The only waited a matter of moments before Galactic Marine Captain Wits stepped coolly from the ship. Slash noted the difference in armor appearance then the other troops that came behind the Captain. Wits walked with an air of command and honor that Slash had never seen before in any leader. As Wits came closer, it became obvious, Wits was as Colton said, not like any other clone. As Wits removed the dusty helmet, Slash was taken aback that Wits was indeed a woman. Her hair was jet black and her eyes were so dark yet a bright flame burned within her. a scar under each check bone was brandished bravely, they each ran from just under and before he cheek bone to just past it. She came to a halt a yard from them and saluted. Her voice was strong and victorious sounding, "Captain Wits reporting as needed Sirs!"
Slash was quite speechless. Colton smiled and stepped in. "Wits, Good to see you again! This is Commander Slash, you'll be working for him, being I must now take my leave."
"Well, thank you Colton, it is good to see you again, good luck elsewhere." She nodded to him.
Slash regained himself and nodded to Colt as he walked away and waved. Slash then turned to Wits.
"Good to meet you! Colton tells me you are the best hand to hand combat fighter in the army. "
"Colton can exaggerate..." Wits laughed a high and lighthearted laugh. To Slash, she seemed so free at heart. So free, yet she showed signs of battle and victory.
"Uhh Commander?" Wits's voice reached into the depths of Slash's mind pulling him back to the present. "Oh yes, sorry, a bit preoccupied..." Slash turned away and walked back to the command tent, Wits on his heels gave him a indirect look .
The two made it to the Command Tent. Slash pulls up a holo map of the area.
"Wits, we have received word that an attack will be coming on from the east soon. One reason I brought you on for this is you battle plans and I need Galactic Marines. " Slash looks up and pointed to the north paths, "The trees here are the thinnest but its more rocky than anywhere else, we need to use this to our advantage... Any ideas?"
Wits crosses her arms and walks around the Holo. Pointing to the rockiest area of terrain she replies,
"You got Heavy Troopers right? Well, have them place explosives here on the rocks, ones that will either blow up on contact or control. Either will do. Then, see these high ridges here? put snipers along them and then more Heavy Troopers with rocket launchers for the anything to large for the bombs. Then, if you can, get your ARCs or my Marines on their backs and the other on the front, box them in so-to-speak. "
Slash nodded, "But what about reinforcements for them?" Wits looked up and then back again.
"Perhaps then leave the back open, post scouts all around and keep them in contact."
"Yes. I think that will work." Slash closes down the holo and walks passed Wits. He sat on a chair and rested his helmeted head on his hands. "Wits.... Do you think we stand a chance against numbers such as this? I've never fought against so many without a Jedi..."
Wits walks over putting a hand on his shoulder, "Slash. I've fought a lot of battles like yourself, faced imposable odds. Do I think we can win this? Yes. Do I think there is the possibility to lose? Yes. You never know how the outcome is going to be, just give it your all, fight like h-" Slash cut her off, "I know that Wits! It's the troops, do you know how many men I have lost? How many I have had to replace? I know the losses! I know that not all my men are as experienced as the others! There are few of us left that are of the original Battalion." Wits looked hardly at him. "I know that Slash, I've heard about your battles...But. We are Z18 are we not? We are stronger than the other clones, our batch. We do fine without Jedi do we not?" Wits walked to the other side of the tent, unsure how to help this distressed man. He stuck her as odd. She had never seen anyone like this. A new thought came crawling through her jumbled thoughts. Is he really a clone at all? He sure doesn't act like one, even for a very individualized clone. What is he?
Turning back to him, Wits startled Slash with her question: "You aren't a clone are you?" Slash pulled his head up abruptly, "Why do you ask?" Said Slash hesitantly.
"Oh, maybe cause you so much different then any person I've met, clones included and you don't speak Mando'a like the others. Who- What are you?"
Slash stood and looked the tent opening. "Very few people know this, about Homer and myself... Therefore, what I am about to tell you, you must not speak a word to anyone about."
Removing his helmet, Wits was taken aback, his face in shape resembled that of a clone, but on it was blood red markings. On each side of his face, three flaming red markings attached, and it was the same on the other side, on his forehead down his nose was also red, two carved tooth markings came up from under his chin. On his neck were the same markings on the side of his face. Slash's hair was black as the night and his eyes were fiery brown.
"Your! Your an Amyalian!" Wits hissed at him in astonishment. Suddenly in one swift movement, Slash whipped out a light saber and ignited it. The Green blade rose up from his hilt above Slashes head. Wits stumbled backward. "You're- A Jedi!?" She asked at just above a whisper. "Yes. Homer and I both. We're brothers." Slash sat down roughly as he recalled the events that brought him into the Clone Army.
"Homer and I were on Ilume when it happened, went there with our masters to forge our Light Sabers, well... While we were each in a different cave, our masters were attacked by Pirates. Sadly Homer and I were both caught and out finished sabers taken from us and given to their leader. Our masters were forced back, not knowing what befell their padawans. So. While awaiting our fate, we had the fortune to find our sabers had dropped from the Leader. Call it luck, call it destiny. We had them. We both fought our way to the escape pods. Getting in one, ejecting and finding ourselves beyond the outer rim, we landed on the water world and your home, Kamino. The Kaminoans took us in. After all, we knew not where we were, so, we didn't have much choice. We trained with Z18, became good friends with some of the commanders and captains of Z18, trained and grew with up with them. Hence now we're here." Slash had been staring into the distance. His eyes refocused and he bowed his head looking as his turned off saber. Wits shook her head as if it would clear her eyesight, surely this was a dream? Looking at Slash again she knew it wasn't .
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Re: Not Your Average Clone

Post by Zyph on Wed Nov 27, 2013 6:17 pm

Here is the next part right after the above Razz

Suddenly Wits's mind was taken back to when she was a child. She had looked like she was ten but really she was five.......

It was eight years before the Battle of Geonosis. The Kaminoans were closing in on her, one had her by the arm until she stabbed upward with the broken piece of glass and it when threw its palm. Until this point the only thing that had stood between her and death was her training Sergeant. Where she was now, Wits had no idea. But the Kaminoans were taking advantage to finally dispose of the little menace that was made from a defect in the DNA. Wits's sergeant figured it was the mix of DNA from Fett and whoever else the Kaminoans used. Now she was fighting for her life again. She was used to it. To an extent. Her Sarge had kept it at bay most of the times. But now it was Wits agents the world-or at least what was in her world.
The glass stuck in the Kaminoan's flesh and it yelped.
"Get away from me you di'kuts!" Wits ran down the pristine hallway to her room, where she grabbed the one thing she owned other than her thoughts. A vibroblade. Her sergeant had given it to her the day she saved Wits's life. Wits turned the lights off and rolled under her bed for cover. She could hear the Kaminoans' coming. The door opened and they fumbled around for a light. One walked passed her bed. It gave Wits enough time to slices the vibroblade across its foot. Blood splat her face as scurried out and jumped up and slashed another across the neck, it dropped dead. One down, four to go. Spinning to the right, Wits avoided one of their hands. She sprang to the desk then to the slender back of one of her assailant, she twisted its head with a snap and it dropped one top of another, and it's heart was where Wits's blade landed. Two left, both wounded. Wits ran to a shadow, then to another till she was behind one and put the blade in its back. More blood sprayed on her. One left. Wits ran head on then veered to the left then right, spinning around to its side she stabbed it. Shaking Wits ran back to a corner and shoved her pillow in front of her face to muffle the screams coming from her. Tears ran down her checks as the adrenaline ran out. Not daring to look up, Wits curled up and wept. For how long, she did not know. But time passed and she heard a kind voice and a hand lift her chin. She was eye to eye with her Sergeant. She didn't look angry, or even irritated. She only picked up Wits and hugged her. "Don't you worry, Wits, you can bunk with me. I don't trust those di'kuts with someone as amazing as you. But shab, girl, how the heck did you manage this? Good job too. Clean cuts in each one." ....
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Re: Not Your Average Clone

Post by Zyph on Sun Jun 22, 2014 4:25 pm

Wits' face had become deadpan until Slash managed to jerk her back to the present. Wits let one more memory come before she left the little girl behind again. I have not cried sense that day. Am I-
"Captain? Wits?" Slash touched her shoulder
"I'm fine." Wits turned around. And started for the door. "Just need some time."
Wits strode away and then went into a jog till finally she was running. She didn't want to think of her past. She didn't want Slash to know who she really was. She didn't want the memories of horror come back and haunt her in front of him. She didn't want him to ask questions. She didn't want him to know of the many times she had been tortured by the Sith, CIS and any number of others. I can't let them come up again in front of the others. Where her feet took her she didn't care. But she wound up standing on a rock overlooking a water fall. She looked down and the water slamming agents the rocks so far below. She continued to stand and let the emotion whirl in her eyes. Wits fell to her knees and bowed her head.
"There you are."
Jerking her head up, Wits whirled around to find not Slash, but Shook Trooper Corporal Edge.
"Edge... What are you doing here?"
"I should ask you the same." Edge walked over and sat down next to Wits. "You're a fast runner you know. And no piece of cake to track." Edge wore a concerned look in his eyes. "You ok?"
"No. Are any of us ever ok, Edge?"
"No. I guess not."
"Do you think it will ever end? The war I mean. None of it adds up. Here we are stretched thin... And I think we are getting played by someone."
"The chancellor maybe?"
"All I know about him is that he is clever and is playing some sort of game with someone else. He is a piece of the puzzle that doesn't add up no matter how to turn it."
"Yes... "
"But this isn't what you came here to talk to me about is it, Edge?"
"Wits. You never run from things. Not even a angry wookie that is ten times your size and that could tear your arms and legs out. So what happened back there?"
"Old memories surfaced."
"Oh..."
The two sat for some time watching the water and listening to its rushing sound.

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